Calamari Snappers™ "Sciurus carolinensis" 2 3/4

CALAMARI DEPARTMENT OF FORESTRY SPECIMEN REPORT (Critter 1 of 4)

Species: Sciurus carolinensis (Eastern Gray Squirrel)
Behavioral Classification: Opportunistic Foraging and Recreational Theft
Location: 14th hole fairway, Colwood Golf Center 
Observer: [Redacted for anonymity]

Abstract:

An adult Sciurus carolinensis was observed engaging in a highly unorthodox behavioral pattern inconsistent with standard foraging activity. The specimen approached a stationary golf bag, conducted a brief reconnaissance, and proceeded to extract a concealed cache (colloquially referred to as "the stash") from an unzipped side pocket. The subject then absconded into the nearby tree line with both speed and apparent premeditation.

Twenty count golf tees 2 3/4 w/ Smoking Squirrel sticker

ARTWORK BY ANDREW CONTE @andrewjconte